Seven Painful Truths About Social Media

Best foot forward.

A Public Service Announcement

If you write books, you need to reach an audience. Preferably, one with a voracious reading habit and plenty of spare cash. After you've exhausted your relatives and friends (literally, in some cases), the internet seems to glimmer like a golden gateway to prosperity, success and authorial fulfilment. Hold that thought. Why don't you sit down? There are some things you need to know.

1. People will follow you on Twitter, so, naturally, you follow them back. And then...in the dead of the night...they unfollow you. It's like the kid at school who got you to share your sweets and then the next day they scoffed all of theirs without telling you. Sneaky.

However, there are online tools you can use, such as Tweepi, to decouple yourself from those finaglers (love that word!). Also, don't follow someone back without first checking what they're about. If you're trying to promote your writing, hot dates in your local area or I can get you 5000 followers for $15 probably doesn't reflect well on your creativity.

2. Many people may follow your blog (hurrah), and post comments (hurrah deux), just to lay a trail of breadcrumbs back to their own blog. This needn't be a bad thing if their blog interests you and / or you can add insightful or interesting comments on their blogs in return. However, that doesn't mean you have to accept every comment. Naturally, you've tweaked your settings to ensure you approve each comment before it's posted?

3. Facebook likes mean nothing. Okay, you might get a brief and warm tingly feeling, but if you're plugging a book - preferably on its own Facebook page, by the way - what you really want people to do is share your post and preface it with a comment of their own. 

You could use a tool like Networked blogs, although, in the interests of balance, not everyone agrees.

4. You can't be everywhere at once, all the time. Or, indeed, at any time. Experiment with social media, see what works and what's fun (which may not be the same thing), and keep in mind why you're using social media in the first place.

5. Once you have a prominent and active social media profile - one which hopefully brings your books to a wider and appreciative audience - your relationship with your audience will change. 

Ideally, any questions you're asked about your work will form the basis of further posts, allowing you to engage with your readers and supporters in, if not real time, then something fairly close to it. Just as, by definition, you can't have a dozen BFFs, you should not expect - or lead others to expect - an intimate connection with too many of your readers.

6. There are so many social media platforms and tools that it's scary. If you think I'm exaggerating, here's a handy list. A little discernment goes a long way.

7. Social media can cloud your judgement and waste your time. You can easily spend valuable writing time chasing popularity, joining other platforms because A N Other invited you and you don't want to disappoint them, and repeating everything you've already said on another platform just because the new platform is hip. (People still say 'hip', right?) 

If you're a writer, your first loyalty is to your work, so keep that in mind when you choose to do anything else on your computer. Your time and focus are finite. Meantime, social media is a 24 days a day, 365 and a quarter days a year phenomenon. It's a carousel and only you can decide when it's right for you to get on and when you need to take a break from it all.


In conclusion, using social media can be a smexi move if you want to tap into a global market. It can also be a frustrating and disappointing experience if you dont ask yourself some important questions before you start:
a) Which platforms might be right for me?
b) How much time do I have - or want - to spend on social media.
c) Am I clear about what I want to say?
d) Who is my target audience? 

I've been Derek Thompson, freelance writer and author, and you've been a lovely audience. 

Now, about my books...

Mondays with Monika - 4

It's that time of the week again, as freelance writer and committed blogger Monika spills the beans. Previous posts are located here: Part 1 Monday 22nd Oct, Part 2 Monday 29th Oct and Part 3 Monday 5th November.

1. Does writing about topics that are so personal change the way you feel about them? Not necessarily making you feel better, but distancing you from it a little once it's on the page.

Yes, that thing you said - it puts distance between me and the thing. I feel relieved of a burden. It's like Dumbledore's pensieve - the page is a silver holder for my memories, so that I don't have to carry them around with me. If I want, I can go back and read or re-live that memory - or if I want I never have to feel it or think about it again. And if I do think about it, I can do so with more clarity for having written about it.

2. Do you look upon the finished, posted work as a piece of work in the same category as your other writing? And would you ever consider using it commercially (whether paid or unpaid)?
What other writing? Let's see: random texts, e-mails, edited blurbs for the Daily Insider, and the very very very very occasional magazine article. Is it different? I suppose. It's more "me." It's probably more likely to entertain, amuse, intrigu,e or offend the reader than other stuff I write. It's certainly more honest. Whereas I'd never reveal my true thoughts in a magazine article, I tell it like it is in a blog post, because the blog posts are written for me and an invisible audience. The Daily Insider blurbs are written for business owners, directors of nonprofit organizations, educators, philanthropists, and concerned citizens. They are a visible audience, because I see them around town and talk to them, and my job is to relay the news and not tell them about motherhood and grief and marriage and my garden and what I cooked for dinner and how come I don't like to fold sheets (because I'm short and the sheets are bigger than me and I just can't get them to fold neatly).

Of course I'd consider it using commercially. And of course I'd rather get paid. But I think I'd be just as excited, paid or unpaid. OK, maybe more excited with the paid option.

3. What's the best - or worst - feedback you've ever received about a piece of intensely personal writing? (I still have the letter written to me after my piece about my brother was printed in a national newspaper.)

Well, jeez, that's kind of tough question. I have some RF (Regular Feedbackers), but I have lately been getting a lot of random comments from readers who've stumbled onto the blog and are identifying with the grieving thing. I got a wonderful comment from a reader who basically said, "Yeah, grief sucks. I just lost my mom and my dad and every time I think I'm getting myself together I'm hit by a 'sneaker wave' of grief that knocks me sideways again." And I thought, "Wow, she read the whole post and it affected her enough to LEAVE A COMMENT." Even though I know people read the blog, it's always surprising when I get actual evidence of that fact.

The worst comment I got was when I was writing about my weight and I got some snarky comment from a person I imagine as sort of a self-righteous personal trainer type (or replace "self-righteous" with "asshole," if you prefer) who said that maybe I should go easy on the ice cream or something like that. I mean, well, DUH. I wasn't writing the post to get ADVICE. I already know what to do. I was writing the post because I was trying to work out why something that seems so simple (eat less, exercise more) is, in practice, one of the most difficult things to do, EVER, for 8 million quirky reasons that have nothing to do with logic or common sense. Which is why human being are interesting, no? We do SO MANY things that don't make sense, and don't benefit ourselves in any conceivable way. So shut the hell up, Asshole Personal Trainer Dude. 

4. Do you think that writing about personal matters requires a certain kind of...ruthlessness? Or does that only apply if the person you're writing about is still living?
I grew up feeling that my parents were always looking over my shoulder, because they were. I will never escape that feeling. I'm still worried about what my mom thinks, dead or not. I still don't want to hurt her.  My dad - well, he could probably take it. (But it's not like I've TOLD him about my blog, is it? Wimp.)

But if I knew a friend were to read my blog and I had something bad to say about him or her, I'd be scared of losing the friendship over it. I might choose not to write about it. In fact, I think I did lose a friendship with - well, it's complicated - a sort of ex-boyfriend-but-not-really from college that I got back in touch with over Facebook and I invited him to read my blog only I forgot that I mentioned him in my blog post that day and wrote something about a college romantic interest who was a commitment-phobic, whirling vortex of neediness with a big nose and for some reason I've never heard from him again.


So I guess I was ruthless that one time, but I still feel badly about it.

But seriously, that guy's nose was REALLY BIG.

Mondays with Monika - 3

I'm talking with Monika Spykerman, about the things that matter to her as a writer, mum (or mom, if you prefer), wife and writer (yep, two writers). Here, Monika talks candidly about her own blog  and about the ways in which she uses her writing.

Previous posts are located here: Part 1 Monday 22nd Oct and Part 2 Monday 29th Oct.

And, to answer last week's question - a spring peeper is a type of frog.

Okay, where were we? Do people around you know that you blog so openly, and does that change how you interact with one another? I once had a friend say, "Oh, I hope you're not going to write about me." To which I replied, "Not in any way that you'll recognise - and what makes you think that I haven't already?" Yeah, that's a good way to cut down on your Christmas card list.

Well, I quit sending Christmas cards a couple years ago. Not to save trees or anything, but just because I'm lazy. So that's not a problem and when I get Christmas cards I just throw them away anyhow. Seriously. I'm trying not to end up on "Hoarders." OK. What was the question? Um, some people know, and some people don't. Most people don't. It makes me uncomfortable to be a self-promoter in that way. Some people I've told, and they've been like, "Oh, yeah? OK, well, hmm. Great. OK. Have to check that out." And they never do. Like my lifelong friend who's an actress and I would drive all the way out to wherever to see her in a play, even if it was just a small part. I told her about my blog, and then it came up again about a year later, and she was all, "Oh, ha ha, I never even looked at it." But then, she's an actress and she lives in Hollywood, so what do you expect?

Some close friends I've told. One friend in particular, my bestest besty best best friend, reads every post. A few other good friends read occasionally. And some friends I've never told and I never will because it would make them pee their pants to know that I say FUCK.

My Dad, I don't know if I'll tell him. Other mothers that I know casually through school, I don't tell, not because I'd care if they read my innermost secrets, but it just seems so cheesy and kind of clichéd to say, "Hey, I have a blog!" because, seriously, EVERYONE has a blog. Lots of people blog about their personal stuff and post recipes and clever craft ideas and pictures and have funny stories about how they couldn't get the carseat in properly or how their toddler peed on the cat. And a blog is a wonderful, creative way to communicate with far-flung friends and family and preserve the - oh, I'm just going to say it - the precious memories of motherhood. So when I say I have a blog, that's what people think: random ramblings about an ordinary life in an ordinary way.

Which is - HA! - exactly what my blog is. So why SHOULD anyone read it? Good question. I think it's because the writing is good. I'm not just communicating with friends or recording memories, I'm practicing my craft. (Oh, PUH-LEEEEEZ. That's so pretentious.) OK. I don't know. I'm just writing. And I think I can objectively say (how can I possibly be objective about myself?) that my writing is a little more interesting - OK, "better" - than most other mommy blogs. God, I sound like such a twat.

Are you conscious of the need to balance out drama with humo(u)r, or is it a case of 'you get what you're given and I'll give you what I get'?
Yes. Nobody's going to read it if it's not funny. And it turns out everything's funny.

Is it ever too painful to write about? (And I say that having written / spoken about my brother's illness and death in detail, and recently including reference to our dad's funeral in a novel.)
No. That's like asking, "Is it ever too painful to breathe about?" or "Does grief keep you from urinating?"

* If there's anything you - that's you, dear reader - would like to know about Monika's blog and her writing, drop it in a comment. 

A Cynic's Guide to Social Media

I suspect Social Media is a bit like sex - if the idea fills you with dread or gives you a headache, you're probably doing it wrong. And if the idea of an SM (no, not that one...) cold turkey leaves you in a panic, perhaps you need to look at things from a different angle.

After David French and I wrote The Little Book of Cynics, several people asked us if it was humour or genuine cynicism. We knew then that we had found our brand. With that in mind, here's a Cynic's Guide to Social Media.

Facebook - Millions of people in a crowded square, all trying to sell the same thing at the same time - themselves. And they do this by wearing bright colours, shouting and being quirky. LOL.

LinkedIn - A massive dinner party where everyone tries to simultaneously pass out their own business cards, while giving a cursory glance to everyone else's cards, adopting the standard phrase, "We should do business some time," and then waiting for someone else to buy something from them first.

MySpace - Lots of people at a party where most all the trendsetters have left, now telling one another that at last the party can get interesting, with no idea how to make that happen.

Twitter - Mass texting for those without a mobile. Perfect for those with a little something to say and very little time to say it.

Website - A shop front. Customers will be coming soon, probably, because the Google sandwich board man just walked past and waved at you.

Blog - A constantly revised press release for your shop front. Which means you then leave your shop and walk the streets handing out press releases to strangers.