A Cynic's Guide to Social Media

I suspect Social Media is a bit like sex - if the idea fills you with dread or gives you a headache, you're probably doing it wrong. And if the idea of an SM (no, not that one...) cold turkey leaves you in a panic, perhaps you need to look at things from a different angle.

After David French and I wrote The Little Book of Cynics, several people asked us if it was humour or genuine cynicism. We knew then that we had found our brand. With that in mind, here's a Cynic's Guide to Social Media.

Facebook - Millions of people in a crowded square, all trying to sell the same thing at the same time - themselves. And they do this by wearing bright colours, shouting and being quirky. LOL.

LinkedIn - A massive dinner party where everyone tries to simultaneously pass out their own business cards, while giving a cursory glance to everyone else's cards, adopting the standard phrase, "We should do business some time," and then waiting for someone else to buy something from them first.

MySpace - Lots of people at a party where most all the trendsetters have left, now telling one another that at last the party can get interesting, with no idea how to make that happen.

Twitter - Mass texting for those without a mobile. Perfect for those with a little something to say and very little time to say it.

Website - A shop front. Customers will be coming soon, probably, because the Google sandwich board man just walked past and waved at you.

Blog - A constantly revised press release for your shop front. Which means you then leave your shop and walk the streets handing out press releases to strangers.

Mainly off the plane

Some writers keep their old journals because they're certain, somewhere in the pile, there's gold in them thar thoughts. Others are just lazy (my hand is up at this point) and some - you know who you are - will admit to being hoarders. So I'm starting my spring-cleaning early this year and here's what surfaced.

06/05/05

What is adventure, but the unexpected? We're at Land's End aerodrome and fog bound. The planes sit idle and sullen, somewhere in the gloom. Anne sits with a coffee, nursing it like a grudge. The aerodrome has modern chairs and an easy-clean carpet, but there is the faint whiff of an aerodrome from long ago. Of parcels and papers being delivered in the dead of night, of solitary pilots stranded together with only coffee and stories to keep them alert until the fog lifts. I will never know their world, nor will I feel their passion or their camaraderie, as they wait for permission to fly. But, as I gaze at the shrouded horizon, somehow it doesn't so bad at all. No bullets, no bravado; just a little more patience.

Note seen in the toilet: 'Please do not put anything in the loo except toilet paper.'

I wanted to write beneath it: 'I've crapped in the sink.'

07/05/05

So, the flight was fogbound and out-ofbounds. Skybus put us on a bus and trucked us down to the helicopter terminal. Two of the party (last in, first stuffed) could not be guaranteed a place. Anne found, to her disdain, that some crisps contain egg - but only after she'd eaten half of them. Her quote of the day: "What fucking idiot thought that one up?"

We watched a safety DVD (high tech!) about what to do on a helicopter in an emergency, unable to hear anything because of the noise of a helicopter landing. Finally on board, windswept and choked by fumes, we watched the cabin and wiring shudder as the pilot exeuted a flawlessly smooth take-off, banking hard left to impress a row of (presumably deaf) rabbits who ahd lined up on the edge of the field to watch. 20 minutes later, we landed at St Mary's. Adventure over? Hello, no. The boat came to collect us, took our £22 and sped us over to St Agnes, cutting across every bow wave possible. My quip about us paying now in case we fell overboard went down like a lead lifejacket.

A stomach yoga session later, we arrived at the quay on St Agnes. Our kindly host arrived with tractor and we rode on the back scoop, Ben Hur style, holding on for dear life and watching the back plate rattle without its holding pin on one side. Along the way, we trimmed a couple of hedges - with the side of the tractor, and tested a few potholes - with our spines. All in all, an adventure to be proud of - and it's only day one.

Compensation: nil - comrades in alms

I enjoy Craigslist. Just so we're clear on that from the beginning.

I used to love it and flit from opportunity to opportunity like a beguiled honey bee. Then the novelty eventually wore off a little.

Still, I've made great contacts, earned good money and even, here and there, made enduring cyber buddies. Increasingly though, there's a wave of start-ups and try-outs that subscribe to the myth of the writer who lives on air and warm fuzzies. (And sometimes just tepid fuzzies.)

I've said my piece before, here and there, but it's always reassuring to see someone else waving a red flag at the bull (see what I did there...). So it's my great pleasure to quote freelance writer Daniel P Curran, who likes to tell it how it is.

Writers do not work for free.

For you to come on here and offer "publicity" or "exposure" who do you think you're trying to appeal to here? High school students?

Let me clarify many of us charge between $25-50 an hour for our services. 99% of us are way past the stage where just seeing our work published was enough. Guess what, we're mostly working adults who need to earn a living, JUST LIKE YOU!

By offering an "internship" you are basically dressing up a request for someone to work for free. What benefit will your no-name website be to me on my resume? None.

Writers do not work for free.

Would you ask your web designer to work for free? Your plumber? Your accountant? Do you think we have this disposable skill that can just pour itself out on the ground for your benefit? Oh sure, let me just draft some free content to drive your web traffic so you can pull in the cash!

Please, we're not idiots. We do not have time to "invest in a potentially great marketing opportunity where writers will receive a percentage of ad revenue once the site is up and successful!"

If you find someone who wants to be your "intern" they are either a terrible writer or just very naive and will soon quit when they realize they are wasting their time.

Fellow writers, I encourage you to flag posts where companies and individuals ask for free content under the paper thin pretense of an "internship" or "the opportunity to get noticed!" This is bullshit.

Writers do not work for free.

My thanks to Daniel for permission to share his thoughts.

http://danielpcurran.wordpress.com/

Guest spot - Deborah Riccio

There are many benefits to being part of a writing community. You get to share in other people's success, you can receive valuable feedback from people who've walked down a similar road, and you can swap the odd contact or reference resource.

I'm a regular visitor to the Strictly Writing blog and recently heard that fellow scribe, Deborah Riccio, has self-published her second book, Re:Becca So naturally, I wanted to find out what made her choose that route and what makes her tick.

Q1 What's your approach as a writer?

When I get an idea it has to ‘work’ in my head before I’ll go anywhere with it, which seems like such an obvious thing to say now I’ve written it down. It might be the greatest idea I think I’m ever going to have, but it has to undergo the Interview from Hell in my Head. Yes, but what would happen IF… COULD this happen? Would it be too unbelievable if… (silly, considering it’s fiction anyway). And the killer query: “Where do you see yourself in 200 pages’ time?”. If there’s a plot that I think I could happily drive then the characters are secondary – until they hit the screen – and then they take over the whole story and I find the original 'idea' changing to accommodate them, not the other way round.

As an incredibly inquisitive person, teen writing allows me to be at my annoying, probing best. Teens want to know EVERYTHING and they are pretty much fearless in their pursuit of anything because adulthood hasn’t dulled their perceptions yet. Whilst grown-ups wander about with the recession hanging over their heads, somewhere there’s a girl in the 6^th Form who is seriously worried her nail varnish might chip before morning break. It’s a refreshing counterbalance.

Q2 What do you want readers to know about your work?

Above all that it’s going to be an entertaining read; it won’t be stuffed full of clichés and there won’t be a predictable happy ending. The first book I put on Amazon, ‘DEAD GOOD’ is the first teenage book I ever tried my hand at. And I have Sarra Manning to thank for that. And my daughter, who was a massive Manning fan and left books lying about in the smallest room for me to pick up… too much information, I know. But it was these books that kind of gave me the permission if you like, to write straight from the gut – and a teenage gut is just such a myriad of emotions; they say and do things that adults worry might be socially unacceptable and they don’t have the dreary baggage that adults have – you can get away with so much more writing with a teenage head on. I find teen writing a totally liberating experience (probably because I’m still fifteen in my mind).

Q3 What made you choose self publication, how did you find the process and have there been any surprises along the way? (Three for the price of one!)

After over a decade of ‘serious’ writing – i.e. printing out the first three chapters, angsting over the one-page synopsis and standing in queues in the post office with self-addressed return envelopes THEN The Wait….crossing off rejections (if and) when they came back, I finally got to the stage last year where I had three agents with the full manuscript of the same book. And you don’t need me to tell you how great that felt. The three dwindled to two; the two to one and after I’d re-written the book three times (with 3 different endings) it was still met with a ‘not for us, thanks’ which really, really hurt.

The nuts’n’bolts process of self-publication was pretty easy really (although formatting was a bit of a nightmare). It was convincing my brain to actually do it that was the hardest thing to do. I couldn’t quite equate self-publication with ‘being a writer’ because it wasn’t something that was being validated and supported by either an Agent or a Publisher – I was doing this ALONE and it was scary. What if I actually am a sh*te writer and this is why I’m not represented and NOW everybody will know how crap I really am?

I guess in the end the Su-Bo in me won through and I thought ‘soddit, this is me, take it or leave it. I don’t even have a reputation to uphold.’ I dreamed my dream. (Ha!)

The only surprise I’ve had is that this weekend ‘DEAD GOOD’ is on Kindle for free and downloads have rocketed (from 10 when it cost £2.01 to over 100), so I guess people just love a freebie. Luckily I’m not in it for the money and I’m delighted that so many people have clearly read the sample chapters and still downloaded it – that makes me smile. I had my first review yesterday – from somebody I DON’T actually know and it was such a thrilling thing to read. THIS is what it’s all about.

Q4 Which authors and books have influenced you?

Along with Sarra Manning’s teen books latterly, I’d have to say that it was ‘Watermelon’ by Marian Keyes back in the early 90s that made me realise I could do it. I loved that there was a place in the writing world for overweight women called Denise who ran off with the bloke in the downstairs flat whose wife was just about to give birth. I almost cried with joy when I realised it didn’t all have to be about riding horses, being posh or being a film star that made it onto the bookshelves. Or jolly japes involving five chums, a border collie and lashings of ginger beer. I like a bit of realism, me.

Q5 What are you working on at the moment?

I’ve just put my second Young Adult book up on Amazon, ‘Re:Becca’ which is all about a teen who feels like she doesn’t quite fit into the real world. She gets bullied a bit and when her parents take away her mobile, her internet connection and her iPad she thinks it’s the end of Her World. Which, of course, it isn’t.

I’ve started a Tandem book for this. Following the two bullies that make Becca’s life a hell in Re:Becca, it’s something I’m having a lot of fun with. Unsympathetic main characters are the best – who doesn’t love Ebeneezer Scrooge or The Simpsons’ Mr Burns? Of course I’m also hoping that some kind of ‘message’ comes through about bullying too, especially as it seems to be just as prevalent as it’s always been. Its working title is: ‘In Your Face’. Look out for it.

Q6 You're at a party filled with all sorts of professions. After the writers have left (taking the agents and editors with them...), which group of people do you gravitate towards next?

The stand-up comedians or the ones who look more like students. I guess they’d be having the most fun. I’d hate to get stuck with a Doctor or a Teacher or a Plumber – grown ups talk about the most boring things. I like that there’s still a “what if” in a younger person’s mind as opposed to the endless drudgery that inhabits an adult’s world. And if it’s a comedian, can it please be Dara O’Briain or Sarah Millican?

Q7 What did you dread being asked - and how would you answer the question?

Anything about Booker/Orange Prizes or Awards. They’d be deleted before I even attempted to answer, knowing or caring nothing whatsoever about them!

What he said... aka thanks for that

While there is no magic formula, there are certain recurring themes in the 'How I Made It' stories of successful writers. They all had absolute faith. They all wrote with almost religious zeal and they all refused to take 'No' for an answer from life. Most drew upon their own personal experiences and few seem to have had a carefully controlled game plan. Many wrote several novels before getting their big break. Some hit paydirt on the first time out. Many have journalism as a training ground. All love words and felt compelled to tell their stories.

Use what you have. Get what you need. Tell your stories your way and learn your craft as a writer. That will make you more fulfilled, irrespective of whether it gets you published.

The problem with identifying paths and models of excellence is that we are also looking at the matter retrospectively - recognising someone who has achieved something and then asking how they did it. The assumption is not only that those positive behaviours and strategies can be replicated, but also that replicating them will, of itself, lead to some similarly quantifiable success.

Other problems arise in the process of quantification. If we look back at our own lives and achievements, the road to our goal is both hard to chart as a linear journey and excludes the elements of chance, timing and connections.

Add to that the lack of objectivity - for example, how do we even know when something can be considered a success at all - and it becomes apparent that definition of terms, factors and common perceptions is key. Perhaps all we can safely say is that some behaviour - discipline, goal setting, and an attitude of positive expectation about one's inner resources - is that these all make our success (chance, timing and connections - or the lack of them - notwithstanding) more likely. But a two-in-a-million chance is still more likely than a one-in-a-million chance, even though it is - to all intents and purposes - infinitesimally small.

Guest spot - Sinclair Macleod's bit o' banter

Of all the Tweets I'd read, Sinclair Macleod's were the only ones to reference Irn Bru, Haggis and Glasgow. I was intrigued, having a fondness for the Dear Green Place myself, after working for a boss based there. In fact, so proudly Glaswegian was she that she referred to Edinburgh simply as 'the other place'. Needless to say, we never had team meetings there.

Somewhere in the annals of this blog, I think I've mentioned Sauciehall Street, and possibly the Clockwork Orange and Kelvingrove. Perhaps too that Glasgow has always reminded me of New York. So I'm delighted to share a virtual conversation with Sinclair Macleod, who talks about his writing and how what makes him tick. It'll take your breath away.

1. What motivates you as a writer?

Since my days at secondary school I have always had a passion for writing. I wrote sketches for school shows and concerts. As an adult I started several novels but never got any further than nine chapters of a space adventure.

When my son, Calum died after contracting bacterial meningitis, I realised that life was too short to put my dreams on hold.

Now I write because I want people to enjoy the stories I have to tell and every word is inspired by and dedicated to Calum.

2. When you started writing your debut novel, had you planned it out first or did the book develop organically?

I started with a plan but at times there seemed to be someone else in control. I created a character in the first book that was to be a regular in the series. One day I finished a chapter and discovered that the character was dead, as if someone had killed it off without my input. It was not what I had planned when I sat down but the story took over and it turned out to be a crucial part of the plot.

3. Does the Glasgow in your books differ in any ways from the Glasgow that people know and love?

Glasgow is a crucial character in the book. It is a city of extreme contrasts in terms of architecture with everything from the mediaeval cathedral to the cutting edge contemporary designs of the modern riverside.

I use many real locations that are very distinctly Glaswegian, such as the former Templeton Carpet Factory that houses Craig’s office and Victorian opulence of the City Chambers, the home of the city council.

Other locations are amalgamations of real places with a little bit of my imagination. The pub that Craig and his friends go to is a combination of three of my favourite bars in the city.

I hope that my descriptions of the city help to give the story a sense of place and character.

4. How do you balance your time spent on writing, editing and promoting your work?

At the moment I am in an intense phase of writing as I try to finish the third book in the series. My wife tends to be my sounding board for creative editing decisions and she helps me to structure the books. My editor, who happens to be my cousin, does the technical editing and I will do a little once the book is getting close to publication.

Promotion is the area that I found the most difficult and the area that does not come naturally. I have promoted the books through local libraries and social media and my blog. I have also had some coverage in the local press recently; which I hope will help to spread the word. Promoting the third book will occupy the majority of my time for a couple of months after its release before I start on the next adventure.

5. Do you find that writing is a cathartic process and what real life influences do you draw upon?

I do find writing a cathartic process, it is a great way to still my thoughts and allow me to escape into my imagination.

I love to watch people and what I learn often finds its way into my characters. For example, I was out with some friends in a pub when a young man approached and offered us some cheap cigarettes. His bag still had the luggage tag from an airline attached to it. It was a perfect little cameo for the book to show one of the many aspects of the city that makes it an interesting place to live.

6. When did you know you had a series and where would you like to take it?

I must confess I wrote the first with the intention of creating a series of books. I think as a writer, a series gives you more scope to develop and evolve your characters. The fact that the first story had been in my head for around eleven years before I made a concerted effort to finish it meant I had plenty of other ideas backed up behind it.

I am hoping to be able to produce audiobooks with the help of an actor friend.

7. What’s your favourite part of Glasgow?

That’s a tough one. The West End is a cosmopolitan and lively part of the city and is home to my protagonist.

If I had to choose a building it would be the House for an Art Lover. It was designed by Charles Rennie Mackintosh and showcases some of his finest interior design features.

8. Which books have you written and where can we find them?

The first book is called ‘The Reluctant Detective’ and the second is ‘The Good Girl’. They both feature the insurance investigator turned private detective, Craig Campbell.

You can learn more about them at my website http://www.reluctantdetective.com. Both are available for Kindle, iPad and as paperbacks from Amazon.

Twas a night before Christmas...

...and there in the pub, not a creature stirred...well, only to the bar and back, and the occasional trip to the gents.

I must have been around 18 and thrilled to bits to be in a pub where the barman didn't immediately want to throw me out. It turned out that he quite fancied me, but that's neither here nor there as far as this story is concerned.

He also offered me the only gig that our band, Bad Timing, ever received. Believe me, we were terrible - I still have a rehearsal tape somewhere to prove it. But I digress...

So, we arrived at the pub at 1.30 in the afternoon. There was me, a friend of mine from my schooldays, his stepdad and Jock - his stepdad's work colleague. Jock's the only one with a name in this tale as he features heavily in what transpired.

Jock, from Glasgow, had been drinking heavily. When he wasn't lecturing us whippersnappers about how, right now, this was 'the only man you'll ever be', or eating copious quantities of crisps, Jock was slowly but surely sinking into an alcoholic haze. I, meanwhile, over the seven hours that we spent in that pub, actually sobered up. It wasn't difficult as two southern comforts were (and are) about my limit.

So we left the pub, in Hackney ( I remember it as The Favouite, but the internet can find no trace), and moved on to another pub in Hackney Wick, where it all went a little pear-shaped. You see, the barman of this other pub was Billy the Boil, from Aberdeen. And clearly, somewhere down the line, there'd been bad blood between Glasgow Jock and Aberdeen Billy.

We didn't know about the bad blood at the time, but it soon became pretty obvious when Jock started muttering about how he was going to take Billy the Boils' boil right off his face. Before you could shout 'chill out' (of course, we didn't have the term in the eighties), Jock had smashed a pint glass on the table and leapt at the bar to have a go at Billy. You've never seen so many pissed people move so quickly.

By now it's pandemonium; Billy has somehow repelled Jock and knocked him back - probably with a fist. Down Jock goes like a sack of spuds and people have pinned him to the ground. Meantime, Jock is screaming "Don't let him cut me, don't let him cut me," at the top of his voice, while me and my friend stare at the scene in amazement and horror.

Jock, bleeding from the broken glass that he's holding, is bundled out the pub with us and told not to come back. No one calls the police, naturally - that's not how these things are done. We get in the car - I think the stepdad has stuck to soft drinks - and drive off into the night as Jock regales us with his favourite fights and why Billy the Boil is his sworn enemy. But, as none of us speak drunken Glaswegian, most of the subtleties are lost on us.

I felt as if we'd passed some kind of multiple initiation of manhood. A lock-in in a pub, drinking with older men, the offer of a gig for the band, witnessing a pub fight (after a fashion) and making it out unscathed.

I never saw Jock again although my friend's dad told us other stories about Jock's flick-hatchet (which he unfortunately demonstrated while inside his new car), Jock's new Mercedes and, by way of explanation, Jock's brief and disastrous sideline as a drug dealer.

I give you the ghost of Christmas past!

Guest spot - Martin Bodenham - The Geneva Connection

Today I'm joined (virtually - use your imagination) by another Musa author, Martin Bodenham. He has kindly consented for me to put him under the spotlight and fire questions at him from across the desk. Let us begin...

What is your book, The Geneva Connection, about?

It is a financial crime thriller, set in the UK, US, Mexico and Switzerland. The story is about John Kent, a massively successful private equity player, and what happens when his unbridled ambition collides with the world's most powerful and most brutal drug cartel.

Kent thought he had it all. The phenomenal success of his private equity firm has propelled him into the world’s wealthy super-league. Self-made and from a poor background, he’s living his dream. Then he discovers his financial backers are a front for the world’s largest organized crime group, the Mexican Caruana drug cartel. It is run by Felix Safuentes, also known as “Jivaro” after the South American tribe famous for decapitating its enemies. Kent’s nightmare hasn’t even started...

What was the inspiration for the book?

As a private equity investor, I witnessed a number of financial institutions running into liquidity problems during the credit crisis. That gave me the idea to write a novel about a private equity firm losing the support of its main investor due to the financial crisis and how it is desperate to find a replacement without asking too many questions.

When did you decide to take up writing?

I have wanted to write novels for many years, but the pressure of working full-time in investment fund management meant I did not have the time. Recently, I have wound down a little from running my private equity firm in order to focus on a few other things in life.

What does the writing process look like for you?

I treat as a job. I am lucky in that I have an out-building, which I have converted into an office. The days I devote to writing see me at my desk at seven in the morning. I finish around six in the evening. Whenever I have tried to do something, I have always made every effort to be the best I can be at it.

What is the most challenging part of the writing process for you?

There are always calls on my time and, if I let them, they will eat into my writing space. I mute my telephone and switch off email so I don’t become distracted. If the front doorbell rings, I don’t answer it. Treating it as work makes a big difference.

How did you find Musa Publishing?

A published author contact of mine mentioned Musa as a new publishing house run by industry professionals. They sounded like my kind of people. They were the first US publisher I approached, and they signed me up in days.

Why did you decide to go with an ebook publisher instead of a traditional print publisher?

I have always been an early adopter of new technology and I have used it throughout my investment management career to increase productivity. The days of print publishing for fiction are numbered, in my view. If it didn’t already exist today, would we choose to invent it when digital technology is available? I think not.

Can you tell us a bit about how you prepared a submission package for your novel?

I’m based in the UK so I followed the usual UK format: One page covering letter, two page synopsis and the first three chapters—one, two, three.

Having said that, I found it difficult to reduce my story down to its basic elements. I treated it like all the business plans I have received over the years as a private equity investor. The two page executive summary is massively important. It determines whether or not an investor wants to read the full plan. I figured publishers were like investors, which they are in many ways. They have to decide which few stories they will back. Like investing, knowing the ones to walk away from is as important as choosing the winners.

What piece of advice do you think is most important for aspiring writers to remember?

Think of it as a business if you want to have your work published. Then treat the writing as a job and properly devote your time to it. Treat the editing process as a great way to improve your product, and not as an attack on you. Finally, recognize that publishers are business people, so ask yourself why they should invest their scarce resources behind your work. The rest will follow.

What do you see as the biggest obstacle for emerging writers?

I think the greatest challenge for new writers is trying to stand out in a crowded market and in a digital age in which anyone can broadcast a message at very little cost. Readers and consumers are bombarded with messages, and there are very few quality filters on which they can rely.

Which authors or individual books have inspired you in your writing?

The authors whose work I really enjoy are John Grisham, Michael Connelly and James Patterson. I love their fast pace, multiple settings and attention to detail.

Do you think it's important to have a character's morality defined early on in a book?

I think it is important to establish early on the main character traits of the protagonist, so that a reader can decide whether to support them or not. It doesn't matter to me whether or not the protagonist is likeable. I just want the reader to have a strong emotional bias for or against him and, therefore, have an interest in what happens.

Have you written any short fiction?

No. Once I start a novel, I find I have too much to say!

Do you have a view on the recent criticism of HMRC's alleged cosiness to some larger companies when they're negotiating a UK tax bill?

The tax affairs of large companies can be very complex. Consequently, there can be many grey areas and uncertainties as to the right interpretation of the tax regulations relating to their affairs. That said, I see very little flexibility or understanding offered to businesses and individual taxpayers so I don't understand why HMRC needs to adopt a warm and cuddly approach to large companies. There should be one consistent approach applying to all.

What are you working on next?

Another financial thriller involving a Boston based private equity firm and US government corruption.

Smart writers do it this way

Not so long ago, I was chatting away with fellow writer Terrie Leigh-Relf about our writing (there were probably other topics in there too) and the inevitable relfection on the year that's passed.

We've planned to each go away (i.e. offline) and come back with our writing goals for 2012. I know, the very mention of the 'g' word tends to make people – and writers especially – go into sleep mode. But don't go just yet...

Goals, back in corporate land, were things you could control. And to make life easier*, especially when said goals helped determine your pay or bonus at the end of the year, they needed to be SMART goals.

Sing it with me, people:

Specific define what it is.

Measurable – how you can tell when you've completed it?

Achievable – is it within your control make this happen?

Realistic – do you personally have the control and the resources to do this?

Time-bound – when will it be done by?

Here are some goals that aren't SMART, even if they do appear to be desirable:

- Get my novel placed with an agent next year.

- Get my novel placed with a publisher next year (it's okay, I'm flexible - it doesn't have to be the same novel).

And here are some SMART goals:

- Write 2000 words per day. (Or, like Rachel Aaron, exceed that five-fold.)

- Spend three hours on my synopsis.

- Do a full edit of my manuscript by the end of March 2012.

- Identify three agents and three publishers to submit to.

- Prioritise my submissions.

- Contact the agent / publisher at the top of my list.

- Submit material from my novel.

Now, I will be the first to admit that SMART goals don't sound nearly as sexy or heroic. But they are...achievable. You're not reliant on anyone else to make it happen. You hold all the cards. Which means it's no one else's reponsibility but yours, if nothing happens (2012 end of the world scenarios notwithstanding).

My mantra of the moment is that we write, we edit, we decide who to submit to and then we submit. We need to do them all well because once our submissions leave us, it's out of our hands.

What are your SMART creative goals for 2012?

* May contain traces of irony.