Okay, so this blog post is a little bit of a cheat. I'm doing my best impression of an editing octopus at the moment, but fellow writer David French sent me a youtube link so extraordinary that I feel compelled to share it with you. Yes, just you, sitting there reading this - never mind about the others.
Here's the all-important link showing something amazing that Honda have developed.
And just to show I've paid attention - here are a few thoughts (along with some anally retentive timings to match the footage):
00:08 A self-balancing robot is amazing, but whenever I see Asimo's (non) smiling face, I hear two words in my head: Cyberdyne Systems. And not the British company of the same name. It took decades for Daleks to manage the stairs, but Asimo has already got it covered.
00:19 It's a CD player, surely?
00:44 Hey lady, you've just broken your speakers.
00:59 Wow, a unicycle for people who can't be bothered to pedal.
01:08 Erm, brakes?
01:19 This heralds the office jousting contests we'd always dreamed of. Now, where are the broom handles? (Every office has those, right?)
01:26 How, surely?
01:34 Not a rip or run in that carpet and no stains either.
01:42 'A natural riding feel' - if you happen to think riding on the edge of a CD player that can't tip over is natural.
01:54 Parallel parking - I see a future market for cars. And it's mere coincidence that it's a woman riding the thing.
02:16 I've got to be honest; as soon as I saw the 'wheels within wheels' concept, I thought of Ezekiel in the Bible. Then I remembered a book that I'd read a long, long time ago about a NASA engineer who took an analytical eye to Ezekiel's vision.
02:51 Pressure to... test its tilt correction limits, try and trip it up or just to point and gawp?
02:54 Just for a moment, I thought the jousting had been ditched in favour of mid-air arm-wrestling.
02:57 Hmm... anyone else think she's carrying an accident insurance claim form in that box somewhere? And she doesn't look down at any point. Ta da!
03:05 One of my favourite parts - how to combine galleries, performance art and technology. But when do they start juggling?
So there you have it. A truly amazing piece of technological advance that will hopefully open up new horizons to anyone with mobility issues and anyone who doesn't have room for a Segway. Not so good for drunks though, I'd have thought.
It's very impressive all the same. But... get Asimo to ride a U3-x and we'll have a surefire winner for Britain's Got Talent. And best of all, he doesn't sing (as far as I know). Genius.
* U3-X image located at: